My life, people, get your mind out of the gutter.
Now that my uterus has stopped trying to kill me, I thought I'd do a little update. Joe and I have remained friends, minus a couple fights when he was being completely unreasonable. Ok, that's about all there is there.
The girl is loving high school and is doing very well in all her classes. I'm trying to convince her to try out for the rowing club. I haven't been very successful.
The boy made the Jr Volleyball team at school, on the A-List, so he was happy, he also received his orange belt in his Japanese Jiu Jitsu classed and moved up an age level so is now with older kids. He also just had his 11th birthday...time is flying by and I can't seem to slow it down.
In other news...I finally found a freaking job. It's working from home, doing inbound customer service for a big electronics store. It's only temp, until sometime in January, but hey, at least it's something for a little while and will give me a little extra for Christmas.
We're also going to be moving at some point, putting in my name to the co-op housing here...basically you pay a percentage of what your income is per month. It'll get us out of this house and away from the memories here. Plus will give me a chance to actually save up some money for a change so I can get a car.
I also have a cold right now and have been sleeping a crazy amount. Along with feeling like crap. I coughed so much I burst blood vessels in my eye. And I whined to myself a lot since there was no one else here to listen to me.
So after the whole 'Joe' thing, I'm debating checking out some dating websites again....maybe I'll have some good stories to tell again!
Oh yeah, a friend and myself started walking every night for an hour or so, sometimes a little more...we finally decided to get pedometers and found we were walking like a mile and a half at least, every night. So that was kind of cool. Now we've joined this 'Zumba' class, twice a week. It's this dance aerobic deal, and I'm actually having a fantastic time with it. I really look forward to going and its helping to remind me to stop putting bad things into my mouth.
My head is about to explode so that's all you get for now.
Saturday, November 12, 2011
Thursday, October 20, 2011
Who else wants cookies?
This post has nothing to do with actual cookies, but I thought it sounded fitting for today. No, I don't know why.
Ok! So it's been awhile and I've been told I need to update the 'Joe' situation. I actually just had to go look to see where I left off.
After all was said and done, I decided to go ahead and just give things a shot with a relationship, thinking that maybe if we were actually *in* one, I could actually look at him as more than a friend...
It didn't work out so much that way. We got together pretty well every day off he had, so usually a couple days during the week, and every other weekend. I spent one weekend up at his place, and really had a lot of fun..we went in the hottub (which was my first time in one) and the next morning went to a gigantic market, the park, a couple gaming stores, a music store (bought the girl some small christmas presents), got pizza and basically just had a really fun day out with his boys. That night we went out for sushi and went to see Contagion, which I liked. Next day we spent just lazing around watching movies and then dropped his boys off and he brought me home. We've hung out quite a bit, like I said...but for me, nothing has changed ><
One weekend, a bit ago, he brought his boys down here for the weekend. We took them (and my boy) to the park, and then up to the Falls to walk around, then to another park up there, Queenston Heights. Now, his one son has some...issues. He's 10 and has been on anti-depressants and anti-psychotics for quite some time now. He tends to beat on his brother quite a bit (who is 11) and in general just isn't a very nice kid.
So this day at the park he was asked to do something he didn't want to (which was just to go check and see if the bathrooms were open) and he threw a fit, said he hated 'this fucking park' and just walked off somewhere. Joe went after him at first and then sort of shrugged and came back. I was appalled. Both his kids drop the f-bomb like it's going out of style, the younger gets suspended from school on a regular basis, as well as sent home throughout the day for punching teachers and assistants. He does not, however, seem to be punished for this, and this is a huge huge thing for me. I don't want to be with someone who has no control over their children, doesn't seem to care about their behaviour problems and won't punish them for doing something wrong. Granted, they do like with their mother 98% of the time, but still...control your kids. My son told me he likes them but doesn't like spending time with them because of how rude and mouthy they are.
Anyway...all these thoughts are in the back of my head as well...my stepson was a 'problem' child and I really didn't want to have to deal with 2 more that were like that....and what if we decided to have another one down the road? Was this child also going to inherit and depression and anxiety? I had to look at the big picture, plus not to mention the fact that there were still no real feelings there. I still wasn't seeing him as more than a friend. Ok, so this brings us to Thanksgiving.
My parents were supposed to be out of town, so I invited Joe and his boys over for Thanksgiving weekend. Then my parents were not going out of town so they were coming too. I didn't want Joe to meet them yet but wasn't about to uninvite people. I had thought it went well, dinner turned out really well (I felt accomplished for it was my first 'big' dinner that I had ever made for a holiday) and the kids all behaved and everyone seemed to get along just fine. Then I get a 'mis-text' from him later, meant for his boys mother, that he had been bored, though it wasn't my fault, he just hated holidays. Ok, 1 - Why did you come if you hate holidays? 2 - I was cooking for something like 8 hours, I'm not sure what exactly he wanted me to do to entertain him while I was in the kitchen all day/evening...perhaps I could have hired some dancing girls.
I don't want to be with someone who hates holidays, I want someone to...help me cook dinner, decorate the tree as a family, help me fill the stockings and talk about what we bought the kids, take them out trick or treating. Not someone who finds all of this 'boring'.
Anyway...it was after that weekend I realized I needed to talk to him about things, but of course didn't want to because I knew he'd get all depressed again. We did talk and I told him I just wasn't feeling it, I wanted to be friends but didn't see it going anywhere else. He didn't take it very well, and the next couple days were spent with both of us in complete misery, him because we were done, and me because he was taking it so badly and it was making me feel horrible. After a couple days, I agreed to see what happened over the course of the next few days....which was nothing. So we talked again the other night and I told him nothing had really changed. We've barely spoken since which is hard because I do care about him, just not in the way he wants me to. So..I miss talking to him but I can't handle the relationship stuff.
Some of his expectations were a bit out there as well...when I told him I was very independent, he said that I wouldn't be able to be, if we were together, because that would be silly. I was like, I'm sorry, this is me, this is what I always will be. I have *had* to be independent to get to where I am today, I am not giving that up nor should I be asked to. He knew from before that I had issues talking about my feelings and such, due to past relationships and not being 'allowed' (for lack of a better word) to talk about them. It just wasn't done, they didn't really care how I felt, so I pretty well stopped doing it. So he pushed me to talk about them, and when I told him I did care about him, his response? 'I have a hard time believing that.' Really?? After you pushed me to finally talk about my feelings, you tell me you don't believe me??? Right. This is the way to get me to open up.
So, all in all it was a variety of reasons as to why it wasn't going to work. There was no spark, his kids, unrealistic expectations, his depression, and his severe need for emotional support and being emotionally needy. I am just totally not that type of person, and am not very supportive when it comes to depression in adults and needing to be constantly coddled. When I told him this he said he had already figured out that I wasn't very supportive. Gee thanks.
Needless to say, I think I made the right decision. I do feel horrible for how he feels and that bothers me but there's nothing I can do. I won't stay in a relationship again just because I feel sorry for the other person, it's not fair to either of us. He needs much more than I can possibly give him, and I just don't see him as the one I spend my life with.
Ok! So it's been awhile and I've been told I need to update the 'Joe' situation. I actually just had to go look to see where I left off.
After all was said and done, I decided to go ahead and just give things a shot with a relationship, thinking that maybe if we were actually *in* one, I could actually look at him as more than a friend...
It didn't work out so much that way. We got together pretty well every day off he had, so usually a couple days during the week, and every other weekend. I spent one weekend up at his place, and really had a lot of fun..we went in the hottub (which was my first time in one) and the next morning went to a gigantic market, the park, a couple gaming stores, a music store (bought the girl some small christmas presents), got pizza and basically just had a really fun day out with his boys. That night we went out for sushi and went to see Contagion, which I liked. Next day we spent just lazing around watching movies and then dropped his boys off and he brought me home. We've hung out quite a bit, like I said...but for me, nothing has changed ><
One weekend, a bit ago, he brought his boys down here for the weekend. We took them (and my boy) to the park, and then up to the Falls to walk around, then to another park up there, Queenston Heights. Now, his one son has some...issues. He's 10 and has been on anti-depressants and anti-psychotics for quite some time now. He tends to beat on his brother quite a bit (who is 11) and in general just isn't a very nice kid.
So this day at the park he was asked to do something he didn't want to (which was just to go check and see if the bathrooms were open) and he threw a fit, said he hated 'this fucking park' and just walked off somewhere. Joe went after him at first and then sort of shrugged and came back. I was appalled. Both his kids drop the f-bomb like it's going out of style, the younger gets suspended from school on a regular basis, as well as sent home throughout the day for punching teachers and assistants. He does not, however, seem to be punished for this, and this is a huge huge thing for me. I don't want to be with someone who has no control over their children, doesn't seem to care about their behaviour problems and won't punish them for doing something wrong. Granted, they do like with their mother 98% of the time, but still...control your kids. My son told me he likes them but doesn't like spending time with them because of how rude and mouthy they are.
Anyway...all these thoughts are in the back of my head as well...my stepson was a 'problem' child and I really didn't want to have to deal with 2 more that were like that....and what if we decided to have another one down the road? Was this child also going to inherit and depression and anxiety? I had to look at the big picture, plus not to mention the fact that there were still no real feelings there. I still wasn't seeing him as more than a friend. Ok, so this brings us to Thanksgiving.
My parents were supposed to be out of town, so I invited Joe and his boys over for Thanksgiving weekend. Then my parents were not going out of town so they were coming too. I didn't want Joe to meet them yet but wasn't about to uninvite people. I had thought it went well, dinner turned out really well (I felt accomplished for it was my first 'big' dinner that I had ever made for a holiday) and the kids all behaved and everyone seemed to get along just fine. Then I get a 'mis-text' from him later, meant for his boys mother, that he had been bored, though it wasn't my fault, he just hated holidays. Ok, 1 - Why did you come if you hate holidays? 2 - I was cooking for something like 8 hours, I'm not sure what exactly he wanted me to do to entertain him while I was in the kitchen all day/evening...perhaps I could have hired some dancing girls.
I don't want to be with someone who hates holidays, I want someone to...help me cook dinner, decorate the tree as a family, help me fill the stockings and talk about what we bought the kids, take them out trick or treating. Not someone who finds all of this 'boring'.
Anyway...it was after that weekend I realized I needed to talk to him about things, but of course didn't want to because I knew he'd get all depressed again. We did talk and I told him I just wasn't feeling it, I wanted to be friends but didn't see it going anywhere else. He didn't take it very well, and the next couple days were spent with both of us in complete misery, him because we were done, and me because he was taking it so badly and it was making me feel horrible. After a couple days, I agreed to see what happened over the course of the next few days....which was nothing. So we talked again the other night and I told him nothing had really changed. We've barely spoken since which is hard because I do care about him, just not in the way he wants me to. So..I miss talking to him but I can't handle the relationship stuff.
Some of his expectations were a bit out there as well...when I told him I was very independent, he said that I wouldn't be able to be, if we were together, because that would be silly. I was like, I'm sorry, this is me, this is what I always will be. I have *had* to be independent to get to where I am today, I am not giving that up nor should I be asked to. He knew from before that I had issues talking about my feelings and such, due to past relationships and not being 'allowed' (for lack of a better word) to talk about them. It just wasn't done, they didn't really care how I felt, so I pretty well stopped doing it. So he pushed me to talk about them, and when I told him I did care about him, his response? 'I have a hard time believing that.' Really?? After you pushed me to finally talk about my feelings, you tell me you don't believe me??? Right. This is the way to get me to open up.
So, all in all it was a variety of reasons as to why it wasn't going to work. There was no spark, his kids, unrealistic expectations, his depression, and his severe need for emotional support and being emotionally needy. I am just totally not that type of person, and am not very supportive when it comes to depression in adults and needing to be constantly coddled. When I told him this he said he had already figured out that I wasn't very supportive. Gee thanks.
Needless to say, I think I made the right decision. I do feel horrible for how he feels and that bothers me but there's nothing I can do. I won't stay in a relationship again just because I feel sorry for the other person, it's not fair to either of us. He needs much more than I can possibly give him, and I just don't see him as the one I spend my life with.
Sunday, July 17, 2011
Ok, so now what?
Been a weird week. Sunday night 'Joe' came down, we watched movies until shortly before 6am, then I woke up the girl for school and passed out cold for about 5 hours. Got the boy sent over to his grandmothers and 'Joe' and I headed out for our 'date day'. Headed up to Niagara Falls, parked and walked to Mr Sub to eat lunch, and then to Starbucks for a frappuccino. Then we walked forever down to the falls. Hung out watching the water for a bit, and then bought tickets for Journey Behind the Falls (which was cool because it was one of the few things I've never done there before). Was awhile before it started so we walked allllll the way to the Botanical Gardens and wandered around. Then walked all the way *back* to the Journey behind the Falls building. It was pretty cool, had fun, got some nice pics.
So then we walked back towards Clifton Hill, by this time my legs were begging to just be left alone to die. We start walking up the hill when all of a sudden he stops and turns to me and asks, 'Do you trust me?' And I'm all 'uhhh...what?' So he asks me again and I say 'Um, I don't know?' So he drags me into the Haunted House and I'm like ahhhhh no. I put up a bit of a fight...but he still won. I made him go first and clutched either his shirt or his arm the entire time (which I think was probably his plan :P)
Anyway, after that fiasco, we made it to the top of the hill alive, where I had to stop for awhile. We started discussing dinner, and had decided on the casino buffet. Then I realized it was like a half hour walk away still and I almost started to cry lol All of a sudden TGI Fridays loomed and we changed our mind and ate there. Food was great, but then when we left, I realized not only was it still fucking hot but now I was also so full I could barely move....and the car was still 30 mins away. We finally made it to the car, with me turning into somewhat of a whiner on the way. Got home, talked to the kids and then he left to head home since its a little over 90 mins away and he had to be at work for 3:30 the next morning.
He said he would like to come down again Thursday night/Friday so I said that was fine. The day out felt like a day out with a friend though. And I told him that. Also told him that maybe it will just take some time to get over the 'friend zone' thing.
So he comes down Thursday straight from work in his little airport uniform, and again, we watched movies and stuff most of the night. Next day I wasn't feeling too great, so we didn't do much. Went out for lunch, took the girl to her dads house, and then just came back here and watched another movie before he left.
Again...still no different than just hanging out with a friend. I like the guy, he's thoughtful and sweet, gentle mannered, and doesn't act like he's 9. But there's no 'spark'. I don't know whether it's because I've only seen him as just a friend for so long or what, but I knew that it wouldn't be able to turn into anything serious.
I talked to him about it yesterday and needless to say he was a little crushed. I felt like crap for hurting his feelings, although not intentionally. He logged off and said if I wanted to talk to him later I could call, but that he was getting off the computer. I didn't call because I didn't know what to say. We spoke today while he was at work, and he said he was better and I let him know why I didn't call. Things seemed to be ok but I could tell the dynamics had changed.
Now...he had been seeing this other girl when he told me that he had feelings for me. He had told me about her previously and told me how somewhat crazy she was and that he was ending things with her as soon as he could see her in person again (which was supposed to be before he came down here the first time but she canceled). Now he's not the player type, he's always been committed and loyal, so I wasn't worried that's that what he was doing. So all this time we spent together this past week, he had still been technically dating her, though she hadn't so much as talked to him in a week.
So he tells me that tonight he's going to her place to finish things off. Then tonight he tells me he didn't, that she was 'very' happy to see him and had missed him etc and how different her attitude was this time. So now I'm wondering if he was going to break up with her only if I said 'yes' and that because I didn't, he's staying with her just as a fallback type thing...he said he didn't want to stay with her just because he was lonely, but...I dunno, it seems weird.
We'll see what happens, I do kind of miss talking to him as much as we had been in the last little bit, but I also know if I were to decide to give things a try, in the long run it wouldn't work. There's just none of that relationship attraction going on at all. Maybe it's time to check out the dating sites again and end up with some great stories to share :p
One of the underground tunnels we were in. That opening right there? Yeah that's Niagara Falls, we were in a tunnel behind it. I was impressed.
So then we walked back towards Clifton Hill, by this time my legs were begging to just be left alone to die. We start walking up the hill when all of a sudden he stops and turns to me and asks, 'Do you trust me?' And I'm all 'uhhh...what?' So he asks me again and I say 'Um, I don't know?' So he drags me into the Haunted House and I'm like ahhhhh no. I put up a bit of a fight...but he still won. I made him go first and clutched either his shirt or his arm the entire time (which I think was probably his plan :P)
Anyway, after that fiasco, we made it to the top of the hill alive, where I had to stop for awhile. We started discussing dinner, and had decided on the casino buffet. Then I realized it was like a half hour walk away still and I almost started to cry lol All of a sudden TGI Fridays loomed and we changed our mind and ate there. Food was great, but then when we left, I realized not only was it still fucking hot but now I was also so full I could barely move....and the car was still 30 mins away. We finally made it to the car, with me turning into somewhat of a whiner on the way. Got home, talked to the kids and then he left to head home since its a little over 90 mins away and he had to be at work for 3:30 the next morning.
He said he would like to come down again Thursday night/Friday so I said that was fine. The day out felt like a day out with a friend though. And I told him that. Also told him that maybe it will just take some time to get over the 'friend zone' thing.
So he comes down Thursday straight from work in his little airport uniform, and again, we watched movies and stuff most of the night. Next day I wasn't feeling too great, so we didn't do much. Went out for lunch, took the girl to her dads house, and then just came back here and watched another movie before he left.
Again...still no different than just hanging out with a friend. I like the guy, he's thoughtful and sweet, gentle mannered, and doesn't act like he's 9. But there's no 'spark'. I don't know whether it's because I've only seen him as just a friend for so long or what, but I knew that it wouldn't be able to turn into anything serious.
I talked to him about it yesterday and needless to say he was a little crushed. I felt like crap for hurting his feelings, although not intentionally. He logged off and said if I wanted to talk to him later I could call, but that he was getting off the computer. I didn't call because I didn't know what to say. We spoke today while he was at work, and he said he was better and I let him know why I didn't call. Things seemed to be ok but I could tell the dynamics had changed.
Now...he had been seeing this other girl when he told me that he had feelings for me. He had told me about her previously and told me how somewhat crazy she was and that he was ending things with her as soon as he could see her in person again (which was supposed to be before he came down here the first time but she canceled). Now he's not the player type, he's always been committed and loyal, so I wasn't worried that's that what he was doing. So all this time we spent together this past week, he had still been technically dating her, though she hadn't so much as talked to him in a week.
So he tells me that tonight he's going to her place to finish things off. Then tonight he tells me he didn't, that she was 'very' happy to see him and had missed him etc and how different her attitude was this time. So now I'm wondering if he was going to break up with her only if I said 'yes' and that because I didn't, he's staying with her just as a fallback type thing...he said he didn't want to stay with her just because he was lonely, but...I dunno, it seems weird.
We'll see what happens, I do kind of miss talking to him as much as we had been in the last little bit, but I also know if I were to decide to give things a try, in the long run it wouldn't work. There's just none of that relationship attraction going on at all. Maybe it's time to check out the dating sites again and end up with some great stories to share :p
Saturday, July 9, 2011
I was *not* expecting that...
My mind = blown today.
Today turned out to be *real* interesting. Talking to a friend of mine, we're going to call him...uh...Joe. Yeah, Joe works.
So, I first met Joe about, oh...12 years ago or so. I honestly can't remember exactly, I just know it was before my daughter turned 2, but I'm not sure how much before. There was a bunch of us that would hang out fairly often. Anyway, we've all been friends for a long time, had those times where people drifted apart for awhile, either when someone moved or life got busy, the usual stuff.
Joe and I would talk online every once in awhile, and he was telling me several months ago he was coming to the area for a few days and maybe he could swing by to catch up. I thought that would be cool, I hadn't seen him in ages, he hadn't seen my kids in years and vice versa. So he came by one evening, without his kids unfortunately, and we sat around in the dining room, drinking coffee and catching up for hours. So texted for awhile after that visit, just here and there, to say hi, or we would chat online sometimes....typical friend stuff.
Time goes by, I'm not online as much, but we both happen to be online today and start chatting as usual. Normal stuff for us, talking about failed relationships, how bummed we are sometimes, that sort of thing. He knows I'm dealing with a lack of car, no job, and the every struggles that come along with both. So he does a tarot reading for me, and I was actually pretty impressed. It basically outlined the things going on in my life...the fact that I'm so worried about working and a car and finding a relationship that love could be right here and I wouldn't even know it because I'm so preoccupied with everything else. The obstacles that are in my way and the chances I need to take.
So we're chatting about it and I was telling him that he's right, but that I don't think there's really any relationship type stuff going on as these days. I'm not talking to many guys, and the ones I do talk to, are only on a professional level (for my volunteer work) or friends involved in the volunteer stuff that I'm good friends with and we joke around and such. Basically no one that I really talk to that could theoretically be someone who's interested.
So he tells me: 'Well, to be blunt, as an example, I've always been attracted to you. I know I'm not on your list of people, but if there's people like me around, there's likely more' So I'm all sort of 'Oh...um..that's interesting, I never knew that.' Then told him that it's not that he's not on my 'list' (which I don't actually have..) just that I've only ever seen him as a friend because that's just simply what we've always been. I mean when I first met him, he was engaged, and then I was shortly after, so it was always just being friends.
He said he wasn't presuming anything but that he thought it would be useful for me to know I was desired. Then said that he'd be happy to take me out, but to not feel pressured, that the Tarot reading was an honest one, not a covert way to say 'you're hot' which of course made me laugh. He said he did his own reading, and it basically said to 'tell her and don't be a coward' but also to go about it in a sagelike way. So then he decided to just be blunt about it and asked if I'd like to go out on a date.
I honestly had to think about it because he's always been just a friend, and after this many years, it was weird to think of him in any other way. But I also thought 'what the hell' and said yes, as long as there was no pressure on either of us. So we're going out on Monday most likely (he does live a couple hours away). So we continued to chat for awhile, sort of getting into the 'I already know you pretty well, but let's take this a little deeper' thing.
We took a break from chatting, he had to go feed his kids and said he'd be back after they went to bed, and so when we started chatting again, I asked him exactly how long 'quite awhile' was that he had been attracted to me/had these feelings. He said basically 10 years. WTF? 10 years and he never once said anything. He said the timing was never right, either he was involved, or I was, or had just *been* involved with someone and he'd feel like a cretin saying anything after me just having gone through a breakup.
He told me the night he came to visit here, he stayed so late because he was trying to work up the nerve to tell me. That was sort of an 'aww' moment.
So, I guess I see where things go from here. I've known him for a long time, as just a friend, and I'm not sure how easy it's going to be, to be able to look at him any differently. I also worry about that friendship cliche. Don't want to ruin the friendship, blah blah. In this case, it's very much true though. We've been friends for so long, I would hate to date him, have things not work out and then lose him as a friend. He says no matter what, he'll still be here for me...except he's the kind of guy that I actually believe him when he says that :P
I very much dislike hurting people's feelings though, and I'd feel pretty horrible if it didn't work out, if the 'spark' just wasn't there. But I'm willing to give it a shot, what else is there to lose? If nothing else, I get to spend some extra time with a good friend. Joe. *nods*
Today turned out to be *real* interesting. Talking to a friend of mine, we're going to call him...uh...Joe. Yeah, Joe works.
So, I first met Joe about, oh...12 years ago or so. I honestly can't remember exactly, I just know it was before my daughter turned 2, but I'm not sure how much before. There was a bunch of us that would hang out fairly often. Anyway, we've all been friends for a long time, had those times where people drifted apart for awhile, either when someone moved or life got busy, the usual stuff.
Joe and I would talk online every once in awhile, and he was telling me several months ago he was coming to the area for a few days and maybe he could swing by to catch up. I thought that would be cool, I hadn't seen him in ages, he hadn't seen my kids in years and vice versa. So he came by one evening, without his kids unfortunately, and we sat around in the dining room, drinking coffee and catching up for hours. So texted for awhile after that visit, just here and there, to say hi, or we would chat online sometimes....typical friend stuff.
Time goes by, I'm not online as much, but we both happen to be online today and start chatting as usual. Normal stuff for us, talking about failed relationships, how bummed we are sometimes, that sort of thing. He knows I'm dealing with a lack of car, no job, and the every struggles that come along with both. So he does a tarot reading for me, and I was actually pretty impressed. It basically outlined the things going on in my life...the fact that I'm so worried about working and a car and finding a relationship that love could be right here and I wouldn't even know it because I'm so preoccupied with everything else. The obstacles that are in my way and the chances I need to take.
So we're chatting about it and I was telling him that he's right, but that I don't think there's really any relationship type stuff going on as these days. I'm not talking to many guys, and the ones I do talk to, are only on a professional level (for my volunteer work) or friends involved in the volunteer stuff that I'm good friends with and we joke around and such. Basically no one that I really talk to that could theoretically be someone who's interested.
So he tells me: 'Well, to be blunt, as an example, I've always been attracted to you. I know I'm not on your list of people, but if there's people like me around, there's likely more' So I'm all sort of 'Oh...um..that's interesting, I never knew that.' Then told him that it's not that he's not on my 'list' (which I don't actually have..) just that I've only ever seen him as a friend because that's just simply what we've always been. I mean when I first met him, he was engaged, and then I was shortly after, so it was always just being friends.
He said he wasn't presuming anything but that he thought it would be useful for me to know I was desired. Then said that he'd be happy to take me out, but to not feel pressured, that the Tarot reading was an honest one, not a covert way to say 'you're hot' which of course made me laugh. He said he did his own reading, and it basically said to 'tell her and don't be a coward' but also to go about it in a sagelike way. So then he decided to just be blunt about it and asked if I'd like to go out on a date.
I honestly had to think about it because he's always been just a friend, and after this many years, it was weird to think of him in any other way. But I also thought 'what the hell' and said yes, as long as there was no pressure on either of us. So we're going out on Monday most likely (he does live a couple hours away). So we continued to chat for awhile, sort of getting into the 'I already know you pretty well, but let's take this a little deeper' thing.
We took a break from chatting, he had to go feed his kids and said he'd be back after they went to bed, and so when we started chatting again, I asked him exactly how long 'quite awhile' was that he had been attracted to me/had these feelings. He said basically 10 years. WTF? 10 years and he never once said anything. He said the timing was never right, either he was involved, or I was, or had just *been* involved with someone and he'd feel like a cretin saying anything after me just having gone through a breakup.
He told me the night he came to visit here, he stayed so late because he was trying to work up the nerve to tell me. That was sort of an 'aww' moment.
So, I guess I see where things go from here. I've known him for a long time, as just a friend, and I'm not sure how easy it's going to be, to be able to look at him any differently. I also worry about that friendship cliche. Don't want to ruin the friendship, blah blah. In this case, it's very much true though. We've been friends for so long, I would hate to date him, have things not work out and then lose him as a friend. He says no matter what, he'll still be here for me...except he's the kind of guy that I actually believe him when he says that :P
I very much dislike hurting people's feelings though, and I'd feel pretty horrible if it didn't work out, if the 'spark' just wasn't there. But I'm willing to give it a shot, what else is there to lose? If nothing else, I get to spend some extra time with a good friend. Joe. *nods*
Saturday, July 2, 2011
Oh hai
Well, obviously nothing too interesting has been going on lately in the wonderful world of dating.
But I figured I'd write a little something anyhow since I'm bored out of my damn mind. School for the kiddos are done...The Girl graduated from Grade 8, with honours, was very proud of her. The Boy finished Grade 5 with the top marks in his class and won the Profiency award for the year, scoring a trophy and a certificate. All in all, I'm happy and proud of both of the smartypants. I must have done something right somewhere along the line.
Dress shopping for the girls grad was interesting...she hasn't worn a dress since she was probably 3 years old. 2 of her friends came with us since, you know, I'm just the Mom :P
We had fun though and she found a super awesome dress and shoes, and was apparently the talk of the evening during and after grad.
The boy earned his second stripe for his yellow belt in Japanese Jiu Jitsu, that was pretty exciting, he's learned so much.
That's about it for my exciting life. Talked to D the other night about 'us' stuff from before. Also I can't remember if I've ever talked about him before. I suppose that might help. He was the first guy I dated again after my ex husband and I split up. A friend of mine in the states introduced us online, and we started chatting..which quickly turned into the inability to be in constant communication. It was just one of those very rare instant things you get with someone. He lived a few provinces away but came here every few weeks for work. It worked out very well because we were forced to sort of take things slow and get to know each other real well.
We had a ton of stuff in common, but also had our own things to do and all in all it was turning into a really good situation. I was absolutely mad about him and we seemed to his this amazing, yet odd, connection. I remember having a BBQ here once while he was down for a few days, had the bestie and her fam over, as well as another friend and her son, and both of them said to me how you could tell it was just 'there'. Even my parents, who met him because we went to a biker party that they were at, took to him immediately.
8 months or so go by, when out of the blue he tells me that he met another girl, from *my* province, at work, and that he wasn't sure how he felt about her so thought we should split up until he could work things out in his head. Fair enough. Not that anything changed, we still talked to each other pretty constantly, but then he tells me he's going to be staying with her. He ended up quitting his job (which was a *very* good one) and leaving his son to move here to be with her. Got a tattoo of her name (in some other language) on him, and that was that.
To say I was devastated, is a severe understatement. It was so hard for me to understand that something that seemed so right and utterly perfect to me, was not felt by this other person. How can one person have such strong feelings and connection to someone, and the other person not feel the same thing? It boggled my mind. D was a big believer in putting things out in the universe, and listening to what it was telling you. The day we 'officially' broke up, he was actually driving to Sask, and we were on the phone, both of us bawling our eyes out. He had satellite radio in his car and listened to the same channel every time he was in his car. I used to tease him that the other buttons must be broken. While in the middle of this tear filled conversation, I hear 'What the hell?' so obviously I ask what...he says 'I've never heard this song on this station before' and he started crying again...so I asked him what song and it was Hate Me by Blue October (coincidentally one of my favourite songs) so we both sort of sat there in (almost) silence listening to it through his radio.
The next song comes on, and it's Daughtry...What about now...one of the songs we listened to fairly frequently when he was here. Next up, Taylor Swift with Our Song, followed by a song he actually introduced me to that I fell in love with, Weak in the Knees by Serena Ryder. It was safe to say that by this time we were both fairly speechless with these songs, which was a pretty good mix of genres, that typically were never played on this station. We were quiet for a minute, and I told him that maybe it was his turn to listen to what the universe was trying to tell *him*.
Anyway, after the break up, we decided to maybe not talk for awhile because I was basically a blubbering mess anytime we talked. We couldn't seem to do that either. It's been 4 years and we can't seem to not talk for more than a couple weeks. That connection is still there, for me anyway, and obviously in some part, for him, as I leave it up to him to contact me. Which he does with frequency. He talks to me about his life now, and how much it's changed. He's basically a live in servant who caters to her childrens needs, yet she didn't want his son to come and live there because she didn't want 'to do the mom thing again'.
So we're talking a couple nights ago while he's at work and not really having anything to do, and suddenly said that Hate Me just came on and I sort of laughed at that, and he said it still makes him cry sometimes when he hears it and I told him the same was true for me, along with other of 'our' songs. I told him I don't know what I'll do when I can't talk to him anymore because even though we aren't together, I can't imagine my life without him in some small way. And that we still have this weird connection and I had no idea why since obviously things weren't going to change. He got a little upset and said it wasn't weird, and that we were friends. I told him really we weren't, because we're not allowed to talk on the phone, voice chat on the pc, or text. The only time we can talk is if we happen to be online at the same time and type to each other. He said that made it sound sad, and I said it doesn't sound sad, it *is* sad.
I told him that basically I don't think I'll ever understand. How such a good thing could have gone so bad, and that it's very hard for me not to compare anyone I meet to him. I just don't think I'll ever find someone who I seemed to fit so perfectly with. I told him point blank that I miss it. For the first time he admitted he did as well. Then he had to get back to work, awesome timing. I try not to hold much hope that things will change, but at the same time it seems impossible to believe that things *won't* work out. My 'deep down feelings' flip almost daily.
Ok, so that was a lot more than I had planned on writing tonight, and I'm sure no one particularly cares, but I feel better writing it down so that's what matters :P
I went with a friend of mine to watch the fireworks here in town last night, he picked me up in his Mustang, I seriously love that car. He's got it all decked out and while we were looking for a place to park, kids kept pointing at the car, which amused me. Then we walked forever. Fireworks were pretty decent, all things considered. We stuck around to watch the band play for a bit, was a cover band called Jonesy, pretty decent as well. Walked forever again to the car, and then came back here to watch Grown Ups, because he has the same weird sense of humour I have and hadn't seen it before. Was a good night overall, was nice to get out of the house.
As a side note, never wear pajama shorts in a leather chair. I just moved and left half of my skin on the chair. Not cool chair.
Also went with my mom and her friend to the Friendship Festival yesterday, we walked around and looked at the craft booths and stuff, nothing too spectacular although I did score some maple fudge candy things. Which ended up melting a bit. Then I ended up squashing them completely and had to put a baggie full of maple flavoured mush into the fridge when I got home. Oh, and I got sunburned on my arms, face and top of my head. Then I keep forgetting and I scratch my nose, or my cheek and then I want to cry. Awesome.
But I figured I'd write a little something anyhow since I'm bored out of my damn mind. School for the kiddos are done...The Girl graduated from Grade 8, with honours, was very proud of her. The Boy finished Grade 5 with the top marks in his class and won the Profiency award for the year, scoring a trophy and a certificate. All in all, I'm happy and proud of both of the smartypants. I must have done something right somewhere along the line.
Dress shopping for the girls grad was interesting...she hasn't worn a dress since she was probably 3 years old. 2 of her friends came with us since, you know, I'm just the Mom :P
We had fun though and she found a super awesome dress and shoes, and was apparently the talk of the evening during and after grad.
The boy earned his second stripe for his yellow belt in Japanese Jiu Jitsu, that was pretty exciting, he's learned so much.
That's about it for my exciting life. Talked to D the other night about 'us' stuff from before. Also I can't remember if I've ever talked about him before. I suppose that might help. He was the first guy I dated again after my ex husband and I split up. A friend of mine in the states introduced us online, and we started chatting..which quickly turned into the inability to be in constant communication. It was just one of those very rare instant things you get with someone. He lived a few provinces away but came here every few weeks for work. It worked out very well because we were forced to sort of take things slow and get to know each other real well.
We had a ton of stuff in common, but also had our own things to do and all in all it was turning into a really good situation. I was absolutely mad about him and we seemed to his this amazing, yet odd, connection. I remember having a BBQ here once while he was down for a few days, had the bestie and her fam over, as well as another friend and her son, and both of them said to me how you could tell it was just 'there'. Even my parents, who met him because we went to a biker party that they were at, took to him immediately.
8 months or so go by, when out of the blue he tells me that he met another girl, from *my* province, at work, and that he wasn't sure how he felt about her so thought we should split up until he could work things out in his head. Fair enough. Not that anything changed, we still talked to each other pretty constantly, but then he tells me he's going to be staying with her. He ended up quitting his job (which was a *very* good one) and leaving his son to move here to be with her. Got a tattoo of her name (in some other language) on him, and that was that.
To say I was devastated, is a severe understatement. It was so hard for me to understand that something that seemed so right and utterly perfect to me, was not felt by this other person. How can one person have such strong feelings and connection to someone, and the other person not feel the same thing? It boggled my mind. D was a big believer in putting things out in the universe, and listening to what it was telling you. The day we 'officially' broke up, he was actually driving to Sask, and we were on the phone, both of us bawling our eyes out. He had satellite radio in his car and listened to the same channel every time he was in his car. I used to tease him that the other buttons must be broken. While in the middle of this tear filled conversation, I hear 'What the hell?' so obviously I ask what...he says 'I've never heard this song on this station before' and he started crying again...so I asked him what song and it was Hate Me by Blue October (coincidentally one of my favourite songs) so we both sort of sat there in (almost) silence listening to it through his radio.
The next song comes on, and it's Daughtry...What about now...one of the songs we listened to fairly frequently when he was here. Next up, Taylor Swift with Our Song, followed by a song he actually introduced me to that I fell in love with, Weak in the Knees by Serena Ryder. It was safe to say that by this time we were both fairly speechless with these songs, which was a pretty good mix of genres, that typically were never played on this station. We were quiet for a minute, and I told him that maybe it was his turn to listen to what the universe was trying to tell *him*.
Anyway, after the break up, we decided to maybe not talk for awhile because I was basically a blubbering mess anytime we talked. We couldn't seem to do that either. It's been 4 years and we can't seem to not talk for more than a couple weeks. That connection is still there, for me anyway, and obviously in some part, for him, as I leave it up to him to contact me. Which he does with frequency. He talks to me about his life now, and how much it's changed. He's basically a live in servant who caters to her childrens needs, yet she didn't want his son to come and live there because she didn't want 'to do the mom thing again'.
So we're talking a couple nights ago while he's at work and not really having anything to do, and suddenly said that Hate Me just came on and I sort of laughed at that, and he said it still makes him cry sometimes when he hears it and I told him the same was true for me, along with other of 'our' songs. I told him I don't know what I'll do when I can't talk to him anymore because even though we aren't together, I can't imagine my life without him in some small way. And that we still have this weird connection and I had no idea why since obviously things weren't going to change. He got a little upset and said it wasn't weird, and that we were friends. I told him really we weren't, because we're not allowed to talk on the phone, voice chat on the pc, or text. The only time we can talk is if we happen to be online at the same time and type to each other. He said that made it sound sad, and I said it doesn't sound sad, it *is* sad.
I told him that basically I don't think I'll ever understand. How such a good thing could have gone so bad, and that it's very hard for me not to compare anyone I meet to him. I just don't think I'll ever find someone who I seemed to fit so perfectly with. I told him point blank that I miss it. For the first time he admitted he did as well. Then he had to get back to work, awesome timing. I try not to hold much hope that things will change, but at the same time it seems impossible to believe that things *won't* work out. My 'deep down feelings' flip almost daily.
Ok, so that was a lot more than I had planned on writing tonight, and I'm sure no one particularly cares, but I feel better writing it down so that's what matters :P
I went with a friend of mine to watch the fireworks here in town last night, he picked me up in his Mustang, I seriously love that car. He's got it all decked out and while we were looking for a place to park, kids kept pointing at the car, which amused me. Then we walked forever. Fireworks were pretty decent, all things considered. We stuck around to watch the band play for a bit, was a cover band called Jonesy, pretty decent as well. Walked forever again to the car, and then came back here to watch Grown Ups, because he has the same weird sense of humour I have and hadn't seen it before. Was a good night overall, was nice to get out of the house.
As a side note, never wear pajama shorts in a leather chair. I just moved and left half of my skin on the chair. Not cool chair.
Also went with my mom and her friend to the Friendship Festival yesterday, we walked around and looked at the craft booths and stuff, nothing too spectacular although I did score some maple fudge candy things. Which ended up melting a bit. Then I ended up squashing them completely and had to put a baggie full of maple flavoured mush into the fridge when I got home. Oh, and I got sunburned on my arms, face and top of my head. Then I keep forgetting and I scratch my nose, or my cheek and then I want to cry. Awesome.
The Girl after grad with her medal and certificates
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Oh uterus, how I loathe thee.
My post really has nothing to do with the title, however it still stands true.
Now. Life has been mostly boring lately. Not even any good idiots. Although no decent people either so..
Got the girl all registered for lacrosse...she really missed playing last year but there weren't enough kids for a team, so she's very excited for this year. She also had her graduation pictures done, they turned out very well so we're waiting for those to come in.
The boy got his last stripe on his white belt for Japanese Jiu Jitsu and will be getting graded in April for his yellow belt. I'm so happy he's finally found something he enjoys so much. Once he gets his yellow belt, he can start going to weapons class on Friday, and can also begin Brazilian Jiu Jitsu with the bigger kids, starting out at white belt for that one though.
So we've (my mom and I) decided to go ahead and get a friend of mine to come in to do an estimate for a security system in my house. Thanks to my wonderful ex boyfriend who now has me living in constant fear that he's going to show up at any given moment to make my life a living hell once again. We live with the doors and windows locked 24/7 and I hate having to live that way and to feel scared in my own home. Now that I know we'll be staying in this house, as long as we can get a few things fixed/renovated, we're also going to be getting a puppy, one that *I* can train. Good luck to anyone that tries to just walk into my house uninvited now. *grins*
Ok, that's all I got for now...as I said...has been quite boring around here lately. Must change this.
Now. Life has been mostly boring lately. Not even any good idiots. Although no decent people either so..
Got the girl all registered for lacrosse...she really missed playing last year but there weren't enough kids for a team, so she's very excited for this year. She also had her graduation pictures done, they turned out very well so we're waiting for those to come in.
The boy got his last stripe on his white belt for Japanese Jiu Jitsu and will be getting graded in April for his yellow belt. I'm so happy he's finally found something he enjoys so much. Once he gets his yellow belt, he can start going to weapons class on Friday, and can also begin Brazilian Jiu Jitsu with the bigger kids, starting out at white belt for that one though.
So we've (my mom and I) decided to go ahead and get a friend of mine to come in to do an estimate for a security system in my house. Thanks to my wonderful ex boyfriend who now has me living in constant fear that he's going to show up at any given moment to make my life a living hell once again. We live with the doors and windows locked 24/7 and I hate having to live that way and to feel scared in my own home. Now that I know we'll be staying in this house, as long as we can get a few things fixed/renovated, we're also going to be getting a puppy, one that *I* can train. Good luck to anyone that tries to just walk into my house uninvited now. *grins*
Ok, that's all I got for now...as I said...has been quite boring around here lately. Must change this.
Monday, February 14, 2011
Following myself
I somehow managed to 'follow' myself. How lame is that? Oh, I wonder who's following this person? Herself. I did manage to fix it but still...I was like oh my god, I have to fix this before someone actually sees it.
Hysterical: http://theoatmeal.com/comics/interview_questions?f=2
I almost peed a little. I found this a few days ago but apparently forgot to actually hit 'publish', so it was here waiting for me today.
Speaking of peeing a little. I had to go for an ultrasound today. Those of us that have been pregnant have been there. Drink 8574398 glasses of water and DO NOT GO TO THE BATHROOM. I realized today, it's much easier having to do that when there isn't a 5 pound baby dancing around on your bladder.
So, I was supposed to stop drinking water at 11:30 this morning because my appointment was at 12:30. I was supposed to drink at least 30 ounces of water. I got out of the shower at 11:23. This gave me 7 minutes to chug as much water as I could possibly stand. By 11:30 I had managed to get down half a bottle (like a small pop sized bottle). So I decided to just keep drinking until I got to the hospital. Figure it's all going to make it to my bladder shortly anyway, so why not.
Get to the hospital and get called in pretty well immediately which was nice. Ultrasound technician points me to a room where I'm supposed to take off 'everything from the waist down' Alright, well I was kind of expecting that one, but then she says 'Oh! You can keep your socks on!' Yes, I'm going to be completely naked from the waist down but I'm worried about my feet. Not so much. So I cram myself into this 'room' to strip, which is so small that when I turn around from closing the curtain, I manage to jam my knees against a chair that they have thoughtfully provided in this crawlspace. The chair took up over half of this 'room'. Let me tell you, I performed some pretty fancy maneuvers getting undressed in there. So I make it out there, with my ass hanging out of my lovely hospital issued robe and climb up onto the bed.
So she's chatting with me and talking about what she'll be doing, seemed standard to me, I've had a few of these before with the kids. Then she drops the bombshell on me. She tells me the ultrasound will be done in 2 parts. Hmm ok. The first part the normal way, laying there and ready to burst, and then she starts to say 'then we'll let you go to the bathroom to empty your bladder....' and I fully expect her to follow that with 'and then we'll do this exact same thing again' But no. She says, then we'll do an internal ultrasound. Sorry, a what now?
I immediately went into 'worst-case-scenario-humanly-possible' mode. Because I know where my ovaries are. They're inside. INSIDE. So, I'm trying to decide how much this is going to hurt and how big this thing is that they're planning on 'inserting'. So I casually ask 'So um...what's the pain factor?' And she says 'Oh, well most people are uncomfortable, sure.' You don't say. 'But most people get through it without any kind of pain' MOST people. Well that doesn'tt make me feel that much better. So she finishes up with the normal ultrasound, gets me another gown because the bathroom isn't even in that room, its out in the main hospital hallway, and tells me to go to the bathroom, which I was more than ready to do. I thought about making a run for it right then and there but my purse was in the room with her. Damn.
I took my time. I stalled as long as I possibly could and then went sulking back in there. She had put a huge cushion under the sheet on the table in order to 'tilt my pelvis up'. Awesome, I feel better already.
So, when most people are undergoing something they're scared of, they don't want to see the instruments being used. Whether it's at the dentist, the eye Dr, whatever. Me? I apparently need to torture myself. I *asked* to see what the hell she was going to be using for this. Bad idea. This thing looked like it was a foot and a half long. She's explaining to me that not all of it is used, obviously, but I was beyond hearing at that point.
Anyway. It wasn't so bad. Definitely not comfortable, but not really painful. Let's just say I was happy it was over and ran into the little not-a-room to get dressed again. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Hysterical: http://theoatmeal.com/comics/interview_questions?f=2
I almost peed a little. I found this a few days ago but apparently forgot to actually hit 'publish', so it was here waiting for me today.
Speaking of peeing a little. I had to go for an ultrasound today. Those of us that have been pregnant have been there. Drink 8574398 glasses of water and DO NOT GO TO THE BATHROOM. I realized today, it's much easier having to do that when there isn't a 5 pound baby dancing around on your bladder.
So, I was supposed to stop drinking water at 11:30 this morning because my appointment was at 12:30. I was supposed to drink at least 30 ounces of water. I got out of the shower at 11:23. This gave me 7 minutes to chug as much water as I could possibly stand. By 11:30 I had managed to get down half a bottle (like a small pop sized bottle). So I decided to just keep drinking until I got to the hospital. Figure it's all going to make it to my bladder shortly anyway, so why not.
Get to the hospital and get called in pretty well immediately which was nice. Ultrasound technician points me to a room where I'm supposed to take off 'everything from the waist down' Alright, well I was kind of expecting that one, but then she says 'Oh! You can keep your socks on!' Yes, I'm going to be completely naked from the waist down but I'm worried about my feet. Not so much. So I cram myself into this 'room' to strip, which is so small that when I turn around from closing the curtain, I manage to jam my knees against a chair that they have thoughtfully provided in this crawlspace. The chair took up over half of this 'room'. Let me tell you, I performed some pretty fancy maneuvers getting undressed in there. So I make it out there, with my ass hanging out of my lovely hospital issued robe and climb up onto the bed.
So she's chatting with me and talking about what she'll be doing, seemed standard to me, I've had a few of these before with the kids. Then she drops the bombshell on me. She tells me the ultrasound will be done in 2 parts. Hmm ok. The first part the normal way, laying there and ready to burst, and then she starts to say 'then we'll let you go to the bathroom to empty your bladder....' and I fully expect her to follow that with 'and then we'll do this exact same thing again' But no. She says, then we'll do an internal ultrasound. Sorry, a what now?
I immediately went into 'worst-case-scenario-humanly-possible' mode. Because I know where my ovaries are. They're inside. INSIDE. So, I'm trying to decide how much this is going to hurt and how big this thing is that they're planning on 'inserting'. So I casually ask 'So um...what's the pain factor?' And she says 'Oh, well most people are uncomfortable, sure.' You don't say. 'But most people get through it without any kind of pain' MOST people. Well that doesn'tt make me feel that much better. So she finishes up with the normal ultrasound, gets me another gown because the bathroom isn't even in that room, its out in the main hospital hallway, and tells me to go to the bathroom, which I was more than ready to do. I thought about making a run for it right then and there but my purse was in the room with her. Damn.
I took my time. I stalled as long as I possibly could and then went sulking back in there. She had put a huge cushion under the sheet on the table in order to 'tilt my pelvis up'. Awesome, I feel better already.
So, when most people are undergoing something they're scared of, they don't want to see the instruments being used. Whether it's at the dentist, the eye Dr, whatever. Me? I apparently need to torture myself. I *asked* to see what the hell she was going to be using for this. Bad idea. This thing looked like it was a foot and a half long. She's explaining to me that not all of it is used, obviously, but I was beyond hearing at that point.
Anyway. It wasn't so bad. Definitely not comfortable, but not really painful. Let's just say I was happy it was over and ran into the little not-a-room to get dressed again. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Punching, pig snorting, and vampire eyes.
Alright, so I of course haven't posted in awhile. No one should be surprised. Now, about this laundromat thing. My mom and I both have messed up washers and/or dryers so we've been going to the laundromat. It's fun, gives us time to chit chat, catch up on things, etc. While our stuff was in the dryer, we were outside having a cigarette and laughing about stuff. Came back in to start folding laundry. At first, uneventful. Then I'm folding a pair or the girls jeans and I almost drop them. In an attempt to grab them before they hit the floor, I punched myself in the stomach. Then, in the next second as I'm trying to say 'I just punched myself in the stomach', I laughed and snorted. Loudly. Sandra Bullock would have been proud of this amazing snort laugh. So then instead of just laughing we were both hysterical. Pretty sure the other people in there thought maybe we were high.
Speaking of being high, I was out with the boy the other day, had to go to the bank, and the grocery store. Kept wondering why I was getting weird/dirty looks from people. Got home and was putting stuff away, and took some things up to the bathroom to put away, glanced in the mirror and was like 'Oh. Right.' I was just getting over a horrible case of pinkeye in both eyes. I mean horrible in the sense that I could have been cast in Eclipse as a newborn vampire. My eyes weren't 'pink', they were a blood red for about 3 or 4 days. Anyway, I look in the mirror and realize I'm all squinty and bloodshot. Pretty sure people thought I was out with my kid, high as a kite. Sadly, it's not uncommon in my town for that to actually happen on a regular, daily basis. By that, I don't mean me.
Now, online dating stuff. Fairly uneventful lately. I don't know if that's good or not. This is driving me batshit crazy. Why do guys think that saying 'lemme see sum titties' is a turn on/pick up line/something women want?? Really? Now I know why you're single. And will be forever. One of the sites that I'm on features a built in instant messenger. I get this little thing pop up that says so and so is wanting to IM me. I like this particular one as it gives you a link to their profile so you can go check it out before accepting. So I go look. Pretty good looking guy, single, not very far away, decent enough grammar and spelling, ok fine. 'Accept'
It took me about 3 seconds to start bashing my head against the desk. Conversation goes something like this, with me struggling to keep a conversation going:
Pig: Hey?
Pig: Hello??
Pig: Is anyone there? (because it had been all of 2 seconds)
Me: Hey, how are you tonight?
Pig: Good.
*complete silence*
Me: Well...good to hear. I'm good too in case you were wondering. What are you up to?
Pig: Not much.
Me: Hm. Ok then. (I start typing something else but then he starts frantically sending messages, therefore interrupting me so I had to backspace it all out'
Pig: So do you like me?
Pig: Do you want to get to know me?
Pig: We should chat
Me: I thought that's what we were doing? And I have no idea if I like you, we've been talking for 46 seconds.
Pig: lol you're so funny! (???)
Me: Well thanks but I wasn't trying to be ><
Pig: lol!! So do you want to get to know me?
Me: Well, I'm not opposed to chatting to you and seeing how it goes
Pig: Ok, call me *proceeds to give me a long distance number* (he was just over the border, which for those of you who have no idea where I am, I'm only about 30 minutes from NY, hence the 'not too far away)
Me: I'm not calling you...I meant chat on here
Pig: Oh ok lol (really?) Are we cool then?
Me: Um sure, we're cool
Pig: Ok cool lollol so let me see sum titties tonight
Me: Oh god, you're one of those. Good luck to you, I'm sure some pissed off woman is going to find you and kick you in the junk.
*closes chat*
Sorry guys, totally not the way to win someone over. Stop being pigs and attempt to get to know her, show some interest in her life. Don't ask her to go on cam for you. This is supposed to be the time for making a first impression. We don't want first impressions like that. Because you won't get a chance to make a second one, at least not from me. Just because I'm a fat chick does not mean I'm so desperate for attention that I'm willing to whore myself out on cam just so someone pays attention to me. As a friend of mine posted on facebook:
I may not be the most beautiful or the sexiest, nor do I have the 'perfect body'. I might not be someone's first choice, but I am a GREAT choice. I don't pretend to be someone I'm not because I'm good at being me. I'm not proud of some of the things I've done in the past but I'm proud of who I am today. Take me as I am....or watch me walk away.
I loved this. It's a big message in a small amount of words. And it's true.
Speaking of being high, I was out with the boy the other day, had to go to the bank, and the grocery store. Kept wondering why I was getting weird/dirty looks from people. Got home and was putting stuff away, and took some things up to the bathroom to put away, glanced in the mirror and was like 'Oh. Right.' I was just getting over a horrible case of pinkeye in both eyes. I mean horrible in the sense that I could have been cast in Eclipse as a newborn vampire. My eyes weren't 'pink', they were a blood red for about 3 or 4 days. Anyway, I look in the mirror and realize I'm all squinty and bloodshot. Pretty sure people thought I was out with my kid, high as a kite. Sadly, it's not uncommon in my town for that to actually happen on a regular, daily basis. By that, I don't mean me.
Now, online dating stuff. Fairly uneventful lately. I don't know if that's good or not. This is driving me batshit crazy. Why do guys think that saying 'lemme see sum titties' is a turn on/pick up line/something women want?? Really? Now I know why you're single. And will be forever. One of the sites that I'm on features a built in instant messenger. I get this little thing pop up that says so and so is wanting to IM me. I like this particular one as it gives you a link to their profile so you can go check it out before accepting. So I go look. Pretty good looking guy, single, not very far away, decent enough grammar and spelling, ok fine. 'Accept'
It took me about 3 seconds to start bashing my head against the desk. Conversation goes something like this, with me struggling to keep a conversation going:
Pig: Hey?
Pig: Hello??
Pig: Is anyone there? (because it had been all of 2 seconds)
Me: Hey, how are you tonight?
Pig: Good.
*complete silence*
Me: Well...good to hear. I'm good too in case you were wondering. What are you up to?
Pig: Not much.
Me: Hm. Ok then. (I start typing something else but then he starts frantically sending messages, therefore interrupting me so I had to backspace it all out'
Pig: So do you like me?
Pig: Do you want to get to know me?
Pig: We should chat
Me: I thought that's what we were doing? And I have no idea if I like you, we've been talking for 46 seconds.
Pig: lol you're so funny! (???)
Me: Well thanks but I wasn't trying to be ><
Pig: lol!! So do you want to get to know me?
Me: Well, I'm not opposed to chatting to you and seeing how it goes
Pig: Ok, call me *proceeds to give me a long distance number* (he was just over the border, which for those of you who have no idea where I am, I'm only about 30 minutes from NY, hence the 'not too far away)
Me: I'm not calling you...I meant chat on here
Pig: Oh ok lol (really?) Are we cool then?
Me: Um sure, we're cool
Pig: Ok cool lollol so let me see sum titties tonight
Me: Oh god, you're one of those. Good luck to you, I'm sure some pissed off woman is going to find you and kick you in the junk.
*closes chat*
Sorry guys, totally not the way to win someone over. Stop being pigs and attempt to get to know her, show some interest in her life. Don't ask her to go on cam for you. This is supposed to be the time for making a first impression. We don't want first impressions like that. Because you won't get a chance to make a second one, at least not from me. Just because I'm a fat chick does not mean I'm so desperate for attention that I'm willing to whore myself out on cam just so someone pays attention to me. As a friend of mine posted on facebook:
I may not be the most beautiful or the sexiest, nor do I have the 'perfect body'. I might not be someone's first choice, but I am a GREAT choice. I don't pretend to be someone I'm not because I'm good at being me. I'm not proud of some of the things I've done in the past but I'm proud of who I am today. Take me as I am....or watch me walk away.
I loved this. It's a big message in a small amount of words. And it's true.
Saturday, January 1, 2011
Oops.
See, that bad thing about me having a blog is that I frequently forget to use it. I'll be out somewhere, and something all too funny will happen, and I'll think 'Oh! Gotta blog about *that* one'. By the time I get home I've forgotten.
We have survived Christmas and New Years. I was bored. For New Year's that is. Both the kids were gone and I had no plans so I sat here and played World of Warcraft lol And ya know, I probably had a better time doing that than I would have if I had gone out. Maybe.
Got the girl and I some workout clothes for our upcoming kickboxing classes. Mixed feelings about that one. It scares me. But...it'll be very good for me once I get going. Also bought some sneakers so that on weird ass winter days like this when there is no snow and it's almost warm out there, I can go walking without my feet freaking out at me.
Put a TV on layaway at Walmart. Ours is dying a slow and painful death. Amazingly enough, this will be the first brand new tv I've ever owned. I feel like a grown up about that one.
No, I don't have any new years resolutions. Too much pressure there. The girl has decided to go vegetarian, which is fine with me, maybe we'll all eat a little healthier than we have been lately. We were doing really well for awhile but fell into our old habits fairly quickly.
Having said that, I do have a game plan for this year, that I'm bound and determined to follow through with even if it kills me. But I hope it doesn't. Otherwise there's not much point...
Ok, that's enough for now. It's late and I'm tired and pretty soon I'll start rambling. I know I still owe you the glorious Charlie stories, and I'd also like to tell the story of how I managed to punch myself in the stomach and snort like a pig (quite loudly) in the laundromat. Within 10 seconds of each other. It was a wonderful evening.
We have survived Christmas and New Years. I was bored. For New Year's that is. Both the kids were gone and I had no plans so I sat here and played World of Warcraft lol And ya know, I probably had a better time doing that than I would have if I had gone out. Maybe.
Got the girl and I some workout clothes for our upcoming kickboxing classes. Mixed feelings about that one. It scares me. But...it'll be very good for me once I get going. Also bought some sneakers so that on weird ass winter days like this when there is no snow and it's almost warm out there, I can go walking without my feet freaking out at me.
Put a TV on layaway at Walmart. Ours is dying a slow and painful death. Amazingly enough, this will be the first brand new tv I've ever owned. I feel like a grown up about that one.
No, I don't have any new years resolutions. Too much pressure there. The girl has decided to go vegetarian, which is fine with me, maybe we'll all eat a little healthier than we have been lately. We were doing really well for awhile but fell into our old habits fairly quickly.
Having said that, I do have a game plan for this year, that I'm bound and determined to follow through with even if it kills me. But I hope it doesn't. Otherwise there's not much point...
Ok, that's enough for now. It's late and I'm tired and pretty soon I'll start rambling. I know I still owe you the glorious Charlie stories, and I'd also like to tell the story of how I managed to punch myself in the stomach and snort like a pig (quite loudly) in the laundromat. Within 10 seconds of each other. It was a wonderful evening.
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