But I figured I'd write a little something anyhow since I'm bored out of my damn mind. School for the kiddos are done...The Girl graduated from Grade 8, with honours, was very proud of her. The Boy finished Grade 5 with the top marks in his class and won the Profiency award for the year, scoring a trophy and a certificate. All in all, I'm happy and proud of both of the smartypants. I must have done something right somewhere along the line.
Dress shopping for the girls grad was interesting...she hasn't worn a dress since she was probably 3 years old. 2 of her friends came with us since, you know, I'm just the Mom :P
We had fun though and she found a super awesome dress and shoes, and was apparently the talk of the evening during and after grad.
The boy earned his second stripe for his yellow belt in Japanese Jiu Jitsu, that was pretty exciting, he's learned so much.
That's about it for my exciting life. Talked to D the other night about 'us' stuff from before. Also I can't remember if I've ever talked about him before. I suppose that might help. He was the first guy I dated again after my ex husband and I split up. A friend of mine in the states introduced us online, and we started chatting..which quickly turned into the inability to be in constant communication. It was just one of those very rare instant things you get with someone. He lived a few provinces away but came here every few weeks for work. It worked out very well because we were forced to sort of take things slow and get to know each other real well.
We had a ton of stuff in common, but also had our own things to do and all in all it was turning into a really good situation. I was absolutely mad about him and we seemed to his this amazing, yet odd, connection. I remember having a BBQ here once while he was down for a few days, had the bestie and her fam over, as well as another friend and her son, and both of them said to me how you could tell it was just 'there'. Even my parents, who met him because we went to a biker party that they were at, took to him immediately.
8 months or so go by, when out of the blue he tells me that he met another girl, from *my* province, at work, and that he wasn't sure how he felt about her so thought we should split up until he could work things out in his head. Fair enough. Not that anything changed, we still talked to each other pretty constantly, but then he tells me he's going to be staying with her. He ended up quitting his job (which was a *very* good one) and leaving his son to move here to be with her. Got a tattoo of her name (in some other language) on him, and that was that.
To say I was devastated, is a severe understatement. It was so hard for me to understand that something that seemed so right and utterly perfect to me, was not felt by this other person. How can one person have such strong feelings and connection to someone, and the other person not feel the same thing? It boggled my mind. D was a big believer in putting things out in the universe, and listening to what it was telling you. The day we 'officially' broke up, he was actually driving to Sask, and we were on the phone, both of us bawling our eyes out. He had satellite radio in his car and listened to the same channel every time he was in his car. I used to tease him that the other buttons must be broken. While in the middle of this tear filled conversation, I hear 'What the hell?' so obviously I ask what...he says 'I've never heard this song on this station before' and he started crying again...so I asked him what song and it was Hate Me by Blue October (coincidentally one of my favourite songs) so we both sort of sat there in (almost) silence listening to it through his radio.
The next song comes on, and it's Daughtry...What about now...one of the songs we listened to fairly frequently when he was here. Next up, Taylor Swift with Our Song, followed by a song he actually introduced me to that I fell in love with, Weak in the Knees by Serena Ryder. It was safe to say that by this time we were both fairly speechless with these songs, which was a pretty good mix of genres, that typically were never played on this station. We were quiet for a minute, and I told him that maybe it was his turn to listen to what the universe was trying to tell *him*.
Anyway, after the break up, we decided to maybe not talk for awhile because I was basically a blubbering mess anytime we talked. We couldn't seem to do that either. It's been 4 years and we can't seem to not talk for more than a couple weeks. That connection is still there, for me anyway, and obviously in some part, for him, as I leave it up to him to contact me. Which he does with frequency. He talks to me about his life now, and how much it's changed. He's basically a live in servant who caters to her childrens needs, yet she didn't want his son to come and live there because she didn't want 'to do the mom thing again'.
So we're talking a couple nights ago while he's at work and not really having anything to do, and suddenly said that Hate Me just came on and I sort of laughed at that, and he said it still makes him cry sometimes when he hears it and I told him the same was true for me, along with other of 'our' songs. I told him I don't know what I'll do when I can't talk to him anymore because even though we aren't together, I can't imagine my life without him in some small way. And that we still have this weird connection and I had no idea why since obviously things weren't going to change. He got a little upset and said it wasn't weird, and that we were friends. I told him really we weren't, because we're not allowed to talk on the phone, voice chat on the pc, or text. The only time we can talk is if we happen to be online at the same time and type to each other. He said that made it sound sad, and I said it doesn't sound sad, it *is* sad.
I told him that basically I don't think I'll ever understand. How such a good thing could have gone so bad, and that it's very hard for me not to compare anyone I meet to him. I just don't think I'll ever find someone who I seemed to fit so perfectly with. I told him point blank that I miss it. For the first time he admitted he did as well. Then he had to get back to work, awesome timing. I try not to hold much hope that things will change, but at the same time it seems impossible to believe that things *won't* work out. My 'deep down feelings' flip almost daily.
Ok, so that was a lot more than I had planned on writing tonight, and I'm sure no one particularly cares, but I feel better writing it down so that's what matters :P
I went with a friend of mine to watch the fireworks here in town last night, he picked me up in his Mustang, I seriously love that car. He's got it all decked out and while we were looking for a place to park, kids kept pointing at the car, which amused me. Then we walked forever. Fireworks were pretty decent, all things considered. We stuck around to watch the band play for a bit, was a cover band called Jonesy, pretty decent as well. Walked forever again to the car, and then came back here to watch Grown Ups, because he has the same weird sense of humour I have and hadn't seen it before. Was a good night overall, was nice to get out of the house.
As a side note, never wear pajama shorts in a leather chair. I just moved and left half of my skin on the chair. Not cool chair.
Also went with my mom and her friend to the Friendship Festival yesterday, we walked around and looked at the craft booths and stuff, nothing too spectacular although I did score some maple fudge candy things. Which ended up melting a bit. Then I ended up squashing them completely and had to put a baggie full of maple flavoured mush into the fridge when I got home. Oh, and I got sunburned on my arms, face and top of my head. Then I keep forgetting and I scratch my nose, or my cheek and then I want to cry. Awesome.
The Girl after grad with her medal and certificates
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