My mind = blown today.
Today turned out to be *real* interesting. Talking to a friend of mine, we're going to call him...uh...Joe. Yeah, Joe works.
So, I first met Joe about, oh...12 years ago or so. I honestly can't remember exactly, I just know it was before my daughter turned 2, but I'm not sure how much before. There was a bunch of us that would hang out fairly often. Anyway, we've all been friends for a long time, had those times where people drifted apart for awhile, either when someone moved or life got busy, the usual stuff.
Joe and I would talk online every once in awhile, and he was telling me several months ago he was coming to the area for a few days and maybe he could swing by to catch up. I thought that would be cool, I hadn't seen him in ages, he hadn't seen my kids in years and vice versa. So he came by one evening, without his kids unfortunately, and we sat around in the dining room, drinking coffee and catching up for hours. So texted for awhile after that visit, just here and there, to say hi, or we would chat online sometimes....typical friend stuff.
Time goes by, I'm not online as much, but we both happen to be online today and start chatting as usual. Normal stuff for us, talking about failed relationships, how bummed we are sometimes, that sort of thing. He knows I'm dealing with a lack of car, no job, and the every struggles that come along with both. So he does a tarot reading for me, and I was actually pretty impressed. It basically outlined the things going on in my life...the fact that I'm so worried about working and a car and finding a relationship that love could be right here and I wouldn't even know it because I'm so preoccupied with everything else. The obstacles that are in my way and the chances I need to take.
So we're chatting about it and I was telling him that he's right, but that I don't think there's really any relationship type stuff going on as these days. I'm not talking to many guys, and the ones I do talk to, are only on a professional level (for my volunteer work) or friends involved in the volunteer stuff that I'm good friends with and we joke around and such. Basically no one that I really talk to that could theoretically be someone who's interested.
So he tells me: 'Well, to be blunt, as an example, I've always been attracted to you. I know I'm not on your list of people, but if there's people like me around, there's likely more' So I'm all sort of 'Oh...um..that's interesting, I never knew that.' Then told him that it's not that he's not on my 'list' (which I don't actually have..) just that I've only ever seen him as a friend because that's just simply what we've always been. I mean when I first met him, he was engaged, and then I was shortly after, so it was always just being friends.
He said he wasn't presuming anything but that he thought it would be useful for me to know I was desired. Then said that he'd be happy to take me out, but to not feel pressured, that the Tarot reading was an honest one, not a covert way to say 'you're hot' which of course made me laugh. He said he did his own reading, and it basically said to 'tell her and don't be a coward' but also to go about it in a sagelike way. So then he decided to just be blunt about it and asked if I'd like to go out on a date.
I honestly had to think about it because he's always been just a friend, and after this many years, it was weird to think of him in any other way. But I also thought 'what the hell' and said yes, as long as there was no pressure on either of us. So we're going out on Monday most likely (he does live a couple hours away). So we continued to chat for awhile, sort of getting into the 'I already know you pretty well, but let's take this a little deeper' thing.
We took a break from chatting, he had to go feed his kids and said he'd be back after they went to bed, and so when we started chatting again, I asked him exactly how long 'quite awhile' was that he had been attracted to me/had these feelings. He said basically 10 years. WTF? 10 years and he never once said anything. He said the timing was never right, either he was involved, or I was, or had just *been* involved with someone and he'd feel like a cretin saying anything after me just having gone through a breakup.
He told me the night he came to visit here, he stayed so late because he was trying to work up the nerve to tell me. That was sort of an 'aww' moment.
So, I guess I see where things go from here. I've known him for a long time, as just a friend, and I'm not sure how easy it's going to be, to be able to look at him any differently. I also worry about that friendship cliche. Don't want to ruin the friendship, blah blah. In this case, it's very much true though. We've been friends for so long, I would hate to date him, have things not work out and then lose him as a friend. He says no matter what, he'll still be here for me...except he's the kind of guy that I actually believe him when he says that :P
I very much dislike hurting people's feelings though, and I'd feel pretty horrible if it didn't work out, if the 'spark' just wasn't there. But I'm willing to give it a shot, what else is there to lose? If nothing else, I get to spend some extra time with a good friend. Joe. *nods*
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