I somehow managed to 'follow' myself. How lame is that? Oh, I wonder who's following this person? Herself. I did manage to fix it but still...I was like oh my god, I have to fix this before someone actually sees it.
Hysterical: http://theoatmeal.com/comics/interview_questions?f=2
I almost peed a little. I found this a few days ago but apparently forgot to actually hit 'publish', so it was here waiting for me today.
Speaking of peeing a little. I had to go for an ultrasound today. Those of us that have been pregnant have been there. Drink 8574398 glasses of water and DO NOT GO TO THE BATHROOM. I realized today, it's much easier having to do that when there isn't a 5 pound baby dancing around on your bladder.
So, I was supposed to stop drinking water at 11:30 this morning because my appointment was at 12:30. I was supposed to drink at least 30 ounces of water. I got out of the shower at 11:23. This gave me 7 minutes to chug as much water as I could possibly stand. By 11:30 I had managed to get down half a bottle (like a small pop sized bottle). So I decided to just keep drinking until I got to the hospital. Figure it's all going to make it to my bladder shortly anyway, so why not.
Get to the hospital and get called in pretty well immediately which was nice. Ultrasound technician points me to a room where I'm supposed to take off 'everything from the waist down' Alright, well I was kind of expecting that one, but then she says 'Oh! You can keep your socks on!' Yes, I'm going to be completely naked from the waist down but I'm worried about my feet. Not so much. So I cram myself into this 'room' to strip, which is so small that when I turn around from closing the curtain, I manage to jam my knees against a chair that they have thoughtfully provided in this crawlspace. The chair took up over half of this 'room'. Let me tell you, I performed some pretty fancy maneuvers getting undressed in there. So I make it out there, with my ass hanging out of my lovely hospital issued robe and climb up onto the bed.
So she's chatting with me and talking about what she'll be doing, seemed standard to me, I've had a few of these before with the kids. Then she drops the bombshell on me. She tells me the ultrasound will be done in 2 parts. Hmm ok. The first part the normal way, laying there and ready to burst, and then she starts to say 'then we'll let you go to the bathroom to empty your bladder....' and I fully expect her to follow that with 'and then we'll do this exact same thing again' But no. She says, then we'll do an internal ultrasound. Sorry, a what now?
I immediately went into 'worst-case-scenario-humanly-possible' mode. Because I know where my ovaries are. They're inside. INSIDE. So, I'm trying to decide how much this is going to hurt and how big this thing is that they're planning on 'inserting'. So I casually ask 'So um...what's the pain factor?' And she says 'Oh, well most people are uncomfortable, sure.' You don't say. 'But most people get through it without any kind of pain' MOST people. Well that doesn'tt make me feel that much better. So she finishes up with the normal ultrasound, gets me another gown because the bathroom isn't even in that room, its out in the main hospital hallway, and tells me to go to the bathroom, which I was more than ready to do. I thought about making a run for it right then and there but my purse was in the room with her. Damn.
I took my time. I stalled as long as I possibly could and then went sulking back in there. She had put a huge cushion under the sheet on the table in order to 'tilt my pelvis up'. Awesome, I feel better already.
So, when most people are undergoing something they're scared of, they don't want to see the instruments being used. Whether it's at the dentist, the eye Dr, whatever. Me? I apparently need to torture myself. I *asked* to see what the hell she was going to be using for this. Bad idea. This thing looked like it was a foot and a half long. She's explaining to me that not all of it is used, obviously, but I was beyond hearing at that point.
Anyway. It wasn't so bad. Definitely not comfortable, but not really painful. Let's just say I was happy it was over and ran into the little not-a-room to get dressed again. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Monday, February 14, 2011
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Punching, pig snorting, and vampire eyes.
Alright, so I of course haven't posted in awhile. No one should be surprised. Now, about this laundromat thing. My mom and I both have messed up washers and/or dryers so we've been going to the laundromat. It's fun, gives us time to chit chat, catch up on things, etc. While our stuff was in the dryer, we were outside having a cigarette and laughing about stuff. Came back in to start folding laundry. At first, uneventful. Then I'm folding a pair or the girls jeans and I almost drop them. In an attempt to grab them before they hit the floor, I punched myself in the stomach. Then, in the next second as I'm trying to say 'I just punched myself in the stomach', I laughed and snorted. Loudly. Sandra Bullock would have been proud of this amazing snort laugh. So then instead of just laughing we were both hysterical. Pretty sure the other people in there thought maybe we were high.
Speaking of being high, I was out with the boy the other day, had to go to the bank, and the grocery store. Kept wondering why I was getting weird/dirty looks from people. Got home and was putting stuff away, and took some things up to the bathroom to put away, glanced in the mirror and was like 'Oh. Right.' I was just getting over a horrible case of pinkeye in both eyes. I mean horrible in the sense that I could have been cast in Eclipse as a newborn vampire. My eyes weren't 'pink', they were a blood red for about 3 or 4 days. Anyway, I look in the mirror and realize I'm all squinty and bloodshot. Pretty sure people thought I was out with my kid, high as a kite. Sadly, it's not uncommon in my town for that to actually happen on a regular, daily basis. By that, I don't mean me.
Now, online dating stuff. Fairly uneventful lately. I don't know if that's good or not. This is driving me batshit crazy. Why do guys think that saying 'lemme see sum titties' is a turn on/pick up line/something women want?? Really? Now I know why you're single. And will be forever. One of the sites that I'm on features a built in instant messenger. I get this little thing pop up that says so and so is wanting to IM me. I like this particular one as it gives you a link to their profile so you can go check it out before accepting. So I go look. Pretty good looking guy, single, not very far away, decent enough grammar and spelling, ok fine. 'Accept'
It took me about 3 seconds to start bashing my head against the desk. Conversation goes something like this, with me struggling to keep a conversation going:
Pig: Hey?
Pig: Hello??
Pig: Is anyone there? (because it had been all of 2 seconds)
Me: Hey, how are you tonight?
Pig: Good.
*complete silence*
Me: Well...good to hear. I'm good too in case you were wondering. What are you up to?
Pig: Not much.
Me: Hm. Ok then. (I start typing something else but then he starts frantically sending messages, therefore interrupting me so I had to backspace it all out'
Pig: So do you like me?
Pig: Do you want to get to know me?
Pig: We should chat
Me: I thought that's what we were doing? And I have no idea if I like you, we've been talking for 46 seconds.
Pig: lol you're so funny! (???)
Me: Well thanks but I wasn't trying to be ><
Pig: lol!! So do you want to get to know me?
Me: Well, I'm not opposed to chatting to you and seeing how it goes
Pig: Ok, call me *proceeds to give me a long distance number* (he was just over the border, which for those of you who have no idea where I am, I'm only about 30 minutes from NY, hence the 'not too far away)
Me: I'm not calling you...I meant chat on here
Pig: Oh ok lol (really?) Are we cool then?
Me: Um sure, we're cool
Pig: Ok cool lollol so let me see sum titties tonight
Me: Oh god, you're one of those. Good luck to you, I'm sure some pissed off woman is going to find you and kick you in the junk.
*closes chat*
Sorry guys, totally not the way to win someone over. Stop being pigs and attempt to get to know her, show some interest in her life. Don't ask her to go on cam for you. This is supposed to be the time for making a first impression. We don't want first impressions like that. Because you won't get a chance to make a second one, at least not from me. Just because I'm a fat chick does not mean I'm so desperate for attention that I'm willing to whore myself out on cam just so someone pays attention to me. As a friend of mine posted on facebook:
I may not be the most beautiful or the sexiest, nor do I have the 'perfect body'. I might not be someone's first choice, but I am a GREAT choice. I don't pretend to be someone I'm not because I'm good at being me. I'm not proud of some of the things I've done in the past but I'm proud of who I am today. Take me as I am....or watch me walk away.
I loved this. It's a big message in a small amount of words. And it's true.
Speaking of being high, I was out with the boy the other day, had to go to the bank, and the grocery store. Kept wondering why I was getting weird/dirty looks from people. Got home and was putting stuff away, and took some things up to the bathroom to put away, glanced in the mirror and was like 'Oh. Right.' I was just getting over a horrible case of pinkeye in both eyes. I mean horrible in the sense that I could have been cast in Eclipse as a newborn vampire. My eyes weren't 'pink', they were a blood red for about 3 or 4 days. Anyway, I look in the mirror and realize I'm all squinty and bloodshot. Pretty sure people thought I was out with my kid, high as a kite. Sadly, it's not uncommon in my town for that to actually happen on a regular, daily basis. By that, I don't mean me.
Now, online dating stuff. Fairly uneventful lately. I don't know if that's good or not. This is driving me batshit crazy. Why do guys think that saying 'lemme see sum titties' is a turn on/pick up line/something women want?? Really? Now I know why you're single. And will be forever. One of the sites that I'm on features a built in instant messenger. I get this little thing pop up that says so and so is wanting to IM me. I like this particular one as it gives you a link to their profile so you can go check it out before accepting. So I go look. Pretty good looking guy, single, not very far away, decent enough grammar and spelling, ok fine. 'Accept'
It took me about 3 seconds to start bashing my head against the desk. Conversation goes something like this, with me struggling to keep a conversation going:
Pig: Hey?
Pig: Hello??
Pig: Is anyone there? (because it had been all of 2 seconds)
Me: Hey, how are you tonight?
Pig: Good.
*complete silence*
Me: Well...good to hear. I'm good too in case you were wondering. What are you up to?
Pig: Not much.
Me: Hm. Ok then. (I start typing something else but then he starts frantically sending messages, therefore interrupting me so I had to backspace it all out'
Pig: So do you like me?
Pig: Do you want to get to know me?
Pig: We should chat
Me: I thought that's what we were doing? And I have no idea if I like you, we've been talking for 46 seconds.
Pig: lol you're so funny! (???)
Me: Well thanks but I wasn't trying to be ><
Pig: lol!! So do you want to get to know me?
Me: Well, I'm not opposed to chatting to you and seeing how it goes
Pig: Ok, call me *proceeds to give me a long distance number* (he was just over the border, which for those of you who have no idea where I am, I'm only about 30 minutes from NY, hence the 'not too far away)
Me: I'm not calling you...I meant chat on here
Pig: Oh ok lol (really?) Are we cool then?
Me: Um sure, we're cool
Pig: Ok cool lollol so let me see sum titties tonight
Me: Oh god, you're one of those. Good luck to you, I'm sure some pissed off woman is going to find you and kick you in the junk.
*closes chat*
Sorry guys, totally not the way to win someone over. Stop being pigs and attempt to get to know her, show some interest in her life. Don't ask her to go on cam for you. This is supposed to be the time for making a first impression. We don't want first impressions like that. Because you won't get a chance to make a second one, at least not from me. Just because I'm a fat chick does not mean I'm so desperate for attention that I'm willing to whore myself out on cam just so someone pays attention to me. As a friend of mine posted on facebook:
I may not be the most beautiful or the sexiest, nor do I have the 'perfect body'. I might not be someone's first choice, but I am a GREAT choice. I don't pretend to be someone I'm not because I'm good at being me. I'm not proud of some of the things I've done in the past but I'm proud of who I am today. Take me as I am....or watch me walk away.
I loved this. It's a big message in a small amount of words. And it's true.
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